When Michael turned 26, he thought it was time for clarity. ‘During my student years I had relationships with women, but I knew I could also have feelings for men. Although I had a great job and wonderful friends, I felt lonely sometimes. I missed a partner. But what did I actually want? How did I envision my future?’, Michael (34) says. ‘It took a while, but it finally became clear to me that I am homosexual. My coming out? That was an interesting process. I was incredibly anxious to tell my friends and family. Would they think of me differently? And would it change the friendships that have lasted for years?’

Marathon of dinner parties Michael chose to open up about his sexual orientation during one-on-one dinners. ‘A marathon of dinners with my closest fraternity friends followed,’ he laughs. ‘Everyone reacted surprised but fortunately also supportive. All the conversations turned out pleasant and valuable. That was quite a relief and it made me less sensitive. It made me more and more comfortable with myself.’ At work, Michael also wanted to be open. ‘I didn't feel the need for a big coming out at the office, but I didn't want to limit myself anymore. At that time I worked at a large Dutch bank in the real estate sector. The culture in the real estate sector can sometimes be quite macho, a difficult environment to open up about your sexual orientation. Still, I told my colleagues about it during a team dinner and the reactions were supportive! It made me realise that sharing on such a personal level with colleagues or clients actually creates an important connection and it enhanced my performance at the workplace.’

A desire to have children ‘When I told my mom about my feelings for men, she immediately asked if I wanted to have children. I was not at all concerned about it at the time.’ Michael has now been together with Olaf, the love of his life, for almost four years. ‘Olaf always had a great desire to have children. After two years of being together, we started to have conversations about it. During our relationship Olaf also became friends with my good friend Rachel, who I met at my student association in 2007. As it turned out, she also really wanted children as a single woman. A unique situation that felt right for all of us. We had extensive conversations about it with Rachel. Olaf and I wanted an involved mother so that our child would have a mother figure. And Rachel envisioned 50/50 co-parenting with us.’

Omri is our number one Despite the ideal situation, Michael, Olaf and Rachel left nothing to chance. ‘Together we notarized everything. From the desired parenting style to the distance within which we want to live from each other. It took us many evenings and joint discussions to achieve the final result. After all, it has to feel good for everyone’, says Michael. ‘During the pregnancy we sometimes found it quite difficult that we could not be there for Rachel 24/7. We live close to each other in Amsterdam and of course we tried to do as much as possible, but we are simply not her partner. However, now that our son Omri is born, we have found a wonderful rhythm together surprisingly quickly. For all three of us, Omri is our number one. It's always fun spending time with him.’

Diversity, equity and inclusion Michael has been working at Deloitte since January this year. ‘I already talked about our home situation during my job interview. Deloitte has an important focus on diversity, equity, and inclusion and differences are warmly welcomed. For example, there is a large Proud network for colleagues who have an affinity with LGBTIQ+. But I am also just incredibly proud of our 'modern family',’ he says with a smile. ‘I don't want to limit myself anymore. In my private life and at work, I want to be the best version of myself. That means I let everyone see the true me so I can accelerate team performance and make an impact. Through my leadership role, I hope to be an example for others.’

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